Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Need an amazing colored coat

Close every door to me,
Hide all the world from me
Bar all the windows
And shut out the light

Feeling a little like this these days. Somethings that you really want you can't get. Think at this stage i'm like a negative npv project, no matter how low the discount rate is. Haiz...after today's derivatives i've got no more exams. Free to do whatever, but have no real drive to do anything.

May I return to the beginning
The light is dimming, and the dream is too
The world and I, we are still waiting
Still hesitating, any dream will do

Did the following test after reading Nad's blog, think it is quite zun. The test is available here


You are the sort of person that needs a peaceful environment. You seek release from stress and freedom from conflicts and disagreements, of which you seem to have had more than your fair share. But you are taking pains to control the situation by proceeding cautiously and you are right in doing so as you are a very sensitive person.

Ah-bu-den, work in conflict how painful.

You are feeling very disillusioned at this time and you feel that you are being left out of things. You know - or you think you know - what you want, but you seem unable to exert the effort to achieve your objectives. As a consequence, you are feeling left out and neglected. You would like to be afforded greater security and fewer problems.

Super powerful, pick colors only and they know i'm feeling left out....haiz...自己找来的压力

You are trying to break away from the mundane existence that you have been experiencing of late. You have many high hopes and ideals but you are concerned whether circumstances will allow you to realise these ambitions. You want to spread your wings - to broaden your fields of activities - but you are concerned that your dreams are just that - 'dreams' which are not realistic. It concerns you that you are not thinking clearly at this time - what you need is to get away from it all, to give you time to think. A short vacation could well restore your confidence.

Gotta weigh dreams, ideals and what's practical mah. At least must be able to feed myself first. I'm just afraid that i'll get so comfortable feeding myself (ok and those around me) that i forgot my dreams. Dreams get crushed. Think "The Alchemist"...need to go find the pyramid to realise that the pot of gold is just back door. Ok, going Vancouver and some national park next week...maybe it'll "restore my confidence".

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

So far i think i've been really blessed to be surrounded by really awesome people. But i don't trust easily. love the chinese word - 知己。


You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.
Aiyo, don't think i'm the like-to-get-mentally-abused type leh, except doing more torturous courses like derivatives and value investing. Haha. Guess that peace of mind thing is super important to me. duh...if i can't be at peace with myself, i'll puke when see i the guy in the mirror when i brush teeth and floss.

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